Benedict Arnold

Right now I feel everyone’s thinking I’m a traitor. A turncoat. Benedict Arnold.

I feel like they are thinking that I have jumped shipped. Abandoned them. Betrayed them.

I’m sorry.

I feel I have been betrayed first.

First off, the decision to quit had nothing to do with other people’s decision or urgings. I quit because I feel I am no longer able to carry out the capacity that I willingly too charge of. I feel I am no longer an asset to the company and to the people in it.

What pushed me over the edge is I no longer am sure what direction everyone was heading.

When the shipped first left port everyone had the vision. Wait. I do not want to be so presumptuous as to think I know what everyone was aiming for.

My vision was to provide the best education. The best training so as to produce one of the best in the industry.

I was too ambitious. I was too proud. I was too ignorant.

Let me ask forgiveness for overreaching. For thinking I could do all that I imagine I could do.

However, I felt that the search for excellence, for quality was compromised because the company had to keep afloat.

I understand that in order for a company to keep going it needs to have its fuel and the fuel is money.

So we took them in. We took them in because we thought they could make it. But we also took them in because we needed to.

What was not readily apparent to most was that every one was not made to cut it. Just like not everyone is suited to become an engineer or an astronaut or a designer; not everyone was made to do this job.

We made them think that they could do it; that anyone can do it.

And I resented that.

I don’t like lying to people, especially not when it comes to their future.

Sounds like I am washing my hands. Perhaps I am. Perhaps this is to cover my obvious inadequacy when it comes to the task at hand.

But realize that it pains me to see people fail. Pains me to see them struggle but later on realize they aren’t not made for the job at hand. All those time and money, wasted.

I am leaving under my own volition. It is my own decision based on the fact that I am no longer able to perform at the 100% I expect of myself. I am no longer able to give the students that instruction that they rightly deserve.

I am a traitor. I have abandoned everyone.

I am doing this out of my insecurity, out of my laziness.

More importantly though, I am doing this because I felt betrayed. We planned to stand for quality but we slipped.

I see this as my fault. I was thinking of quality above else. But how can I deliver quality when I myself do not know its meaning or implication.

Traitor. Failure.

I’m giving up all of these so that they can have a better chance at this than I could ever offer them.